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Breaking News: Time Is Increasing (and I Can Prove It)

Is it time we took the time to take time seriously?

Time is increasing.

This is a fact, and you can’t argue with facts. Well, you can try, but you will lose. So just shut up and pay attention, okay?

From the chart below, we can see that this is the case. By putting time along the X-axis, and the Y-axis, we can see that time increases diagonally upwards at a steady rate.

As Dr Simon Cleverface from the University of South Northtown, East Westshire said:

“This proves, without a shadow of a doubt, or even without any actual doubt, that time is indeed increasing. As all scientists will tell you, the best way to measure anything on a graph is to plot it against time. So, measuring time against time itself is the best way to measure time. If you disagree, there’s something wrong with you. Your brain probably doesn’t work properly.”

What does this mean?

“It means that time is increasing, so as time goes on, there will be more of it. This disproves the saying, ‘Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.’ If you only have an hour available to do something today, by tomorrow, it will be two hours, so you…