Dear Susie the Landlady,

I apologise sincerely for the state I left your house in. I realise now that it was a terrible way to treat someone else's property, and if I owned a house that somebody treated like that, I would probably want to rip their head of a shit down their throat.

Since reading your letter, I took some time out to reflect. I then attended a course in How to Be a Reasonable Human Being at my local community college. I can confirm that I am now qualified to be a normal considerate person.

Yours sincerently,

Your Former Tenant