HUMOUR | NONSENSE

I Just Turned 44, and Here Are 44 Essential Pieces of Wisdom for You

All the most important things I’ve learned while I’ve been alive are nowhere to be found

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I recently celebrated having been alive for 44 years. I say “celebrated”, but there was no party. I hate parties. I find them a waste of time, and I would rather punch myself in the face than attend one.

So, what did I do?

I went to another country for the day, but I didn’t need a passport or anything like that. That’s because I live in a country that has other countries within it, so I can go to another country whilst remaining in the same country. Anyway, more on that in another article.

But how did I get to be 44?

By staying alive, that’s all. All I did was not die. It’s not an achievement. It’s just the default option if you don’t get killed. And since I live in one of the safest parts of a country where it’s uncommon to own guns, staying alive has been easy.

Here are 44 pieces of wisdom I would like to pass on to you. It is essential reading for anyone younger than me, older than me, the same age as me, and even people who don’t have an age (age fluid). It’s best…