“Just Be Yourself”: Is This Stupid Advice?

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One piece of advice often given is “just be yourself”. For example, if you’re going on a first date, you’re told to just be yourself and then they might like you for who you really are.

There are two main problems with this advice:

• Do we really have a “true self”?
• If we did, would fully revealing our true selves always provide the best outcomes?

Do we have a “true self”?

What is this “true self” that people speak of? Where is it located, and how can I be it?

Over the years, I’ve often felt that I’m different depending on my situation or the people I’m with. That doesn’t mean I’m being fake in any of those situations. It just means people and events affect our thoughts, emotions and thus our behaviour.

After all, what are we really?

We’re just a bundle of memories, thoughts, emotions, and personality traits. But all our experiences add to that equation and change the landscape of our sense of self. Of course, some experiences have more of a lasting change than others.

But anything you could possibly point to and call “you” is malleable. Sure, we are born with certain tendencies, preferences and characteristics. But there is still a lot of room for…