The One Word You Need to Avoid Saying If You Don’t Want to Annoy Everyone

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but also one of the most irritating

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Some people need to apologise but don’t. But forcing them to apologise is futile. An apology is only worth anything if it’s sincere.

Then there are socially anxious people who apologise all the time. They are so terrified of getting on anyone’s bad side that they apologise for everything and anything. It’s like they’re apologising for having the audacity to be alive at the same time as you.

Many years ago, I had a friend like this. At first, it didn’t bother me too much. But the longer I was friends with him, the more irritating it became. It reached the point where every other sentence contained the word “sorry”. He was constantly fishing for reassurance.

Over time, this gets very draining. It’s like you have to prop up their self-esteem constantly.

Another example is a neighbour of mine. But he’s worse because he overuses “thank you” as well. For example, if he needs a favour, he goes overboard with the “sorry to bother you”. But afterwards, there’s far too much “I can’t thank you enough.” It all gets a bit wearing.

Think of this behaviour as being on a spectrum:

At one end of the spectrum, you’ve got people who go around never apologising. These are the people who proudly claim they don’t care what people think about them. They bulldoze their way through life, and if you don’t get out of the way, they flatten you.

Then at the other end, you have these people who are so desperate not to offend that they go overboard in trying to be polite. But in doing so, they annoy the hell out of people.

Both of these extremes seem to arise because they are terrified of the opposite. People with an “I don’t care” attitude are scared that they will become vulnerable if they do care. It’s easier to not give a shit about anything than to face the reality that your actions can have consequences.

Sometimes, you have done something wrong, and you need to apologise. Other times, you haven’t, so you don’t need to worry.

Don’t start an interaction with someone by apologising five times. If the thing you’re about to do really warrants that much apology, don’t do it in the first place.

At the very most, you could start with, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”. But that should be your only use of the word. Then you can say, “Please can I…” or “Please could you…”. Then once they have obliged, you can say, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Each of these sentiments only needs to be expressed once. No need to say each of them twenty times like some fragile child who needs to be repeatedly reassured that everything is okay.