“Uncle Flump and His Amazing Vaginal Swing” put through a thesaurus — Earlier this year, I wrote this silly little story: Uncle Flump and His Amazing Vaginal Swing medium.com I decided to see what would happen if I put it through a thesaurus. So, here it is: Aunt Plop and His Astonishing Epithelial Duct Mechanical Device Aunt Plop was a pear-shaped part-preserved human being. He lived unaccompanied and wore his unmentionables on the exterior of his garments. …

#26 is the best one, but so is #23 — A wise man once told me, “Wise men are hard to find.” By that, I assume he meant they are good at hiding. But anyway, if you transform that sentence using a thesaurus, it becomes, “Owlish hands are sticky to bump.” …

Same gypsy, same kitten — Somewhere there is a gypsy. Let’s call her Fanny. Somewhere else, there is a kitten. Let’s call him Bartholomeow. Every time Fanny prays, cute little Bartholomeow gets catapulted into space. Fanny is unaware of this, however. …

Why getting EVERYTHING done should NOT be your goal — There is an almost neverending choice of time management hacks out there. But the best advice I’ve ever heard was from Oliver Burkeman on Sam Harris’s Making Sense podcast. If you want to listen to it, I’ve included it at the end. …

I put my Jim Carrey story through a thesaurus, and now it makes even less sense than the original. I guarantee you’ve never seen anything quite like this before. — So, I wrote this pile of silly nonsense: Breaking News: Handsome Actor Jim Carrey Has Mysteriously Disappeared into Another Dimension This is not made up. This is a real thing that has actually happened. Also, it is breaking news.edward-john.medium.com

This is what my stats show — I joined Medium in July 2021, hoping to earn money from my writing. Actually, that’s not the whole story. I originally joined with a different account a little bit before that. Initially, it was part of a money-making strategy I had seen on YouTube. …

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! — Don’t read this article. It’s a complete waste of your valuable time. If I transform that using a thesaurus, it becomes: Don’t audition this subdivision. It’s a rank wild of your blue-chip clip. This can further be transformed into: Don’t run this parcel. It’s a crying chaotic of your chromatic-fragment…